Comfort...

When you live with Panic Disorder, comfort takes on a whole new meaning. Finding things that comfort you, that make you feel calm and safe and relaxed, can become a daily mission. When you do find those moments of peace and relaxation, you cherish them deeply. Because they're precious and rare and absolutely priceless. You know how they say "the best things in life are free?" In my case it's very true. You can't buy comfort.

So I thought I would make a list of a few of the things that I find comforting. There's no special order or significance to this list, it's just things in my life that make me feel good.

A purring cat snuggled up next to me (or on top of me). That soothing vibration, the gentle rhythm of their breathing, the way they relax completely when they're content. There's a good reason why I have cats. They're the ultimate relaxers. Don't believe me? Next time you see a cat, take note of what it's doing. I'll bet you my last dime that they're somewhere sleeping. Probably somewhere unusual, in a position that looks like it would take years of yoga to achieve. See? Masters of Relaxation.



My fish tank. It's a big 38-gallon tank and it weighs a ton. I've nearly killed myself moving it more than once. Why do I put forth the effort? Because I can zone out completely watching the fish swim back and forth in their little world. The sound of water running is a big soother for me. In the early days of my disorder, when I'd have a panic attack I used to run into the bathroom and turn on the faucet. So the sound of water running through the filter and trickling back into the tank just makes me feel so safe and comfortable. Fish equal love. Big time.



A hot bath. You'll find a big theme in this blog: H2O. I don't know what it is about water that is so soothing to me, but put it in a bath tub, make it hot enough to cook soup and add some bubbles and that is just heaven on Earth. I'll spend hours wallowing in the bathtub, especially if I have a good book to read.



A warm bed. What is more satisfying than snuggling down into a cozy comforter? I deliberately keep my apartment on the cool side so I can do this every night.



A clean apartment. I love it when my apartment is clean and everything is in it's place. This rarely happens, but when it does I just feel so good! I want to just bask in the cleanliness all day long. Of course, usually it gets cleaned because I'm having company and once said company has left, the cleanness is gone too. le sigh.



A good movie. Some films are just comfort food for the brain, you know? Those movies I can watch a million times and never be bored of them, like Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood or A Walk to Remember or pretty much any of the Disney cartoons. Think about it, what do you do when you're really sick? You curl up on the couch and watch movies. It just makes you feel good!



Painting my fingernails. Why is this comforting? I have no clue. But if you know me in person, you'll note that my manicure changes two or three times a week. This little comfort behavior is a recent addition to my stock of neuroses. Something about the routine of removing the old polish, trimming and filing my nails, trimming my cuticles, washing my hands, putting on the base coat, then adding the polish and top coat just relaxes me so much. Then again, said relaxation flies out the window once I'm done because I start worrying about messing it up until the polish sets. If only there was a way to instantly dry and set the polish....



Good food! I love to eat! When I'm feeling anxious, sometimes I start making a meal that takes some effort and has a lot of steps. While I'm following the recipe, cooking and cleaning up after myself, somehow my anxiety gets lost in the mix. Maybe cooking just helps me to feel in control, the lack of which generally leads to most of my panic attacks. Of course, eating also releases endorphins which are the little feel-good chemicals in your brain. So the next time you're feeling jittery, make some mashed potatoes or shepherd's pie...or fat-free jell-o...



Well, that's about all for today folks. Sure, there's other things that help me feel calm and comforted. Lots of them. Some of them inappropriate for this G-rated blog. Some of them too weird to share with the general public. Some of them are frankly rather boring and not worth writing about. Until next time!

<3 Elisabeth

P.S. In a previous blog I made a list of the family pets and forgot to mention Aunt Jamie's sheep. She and Uncle Glen have a flock of sheep. They sell the lambs to be eaten. But they're pets. There's a lot of them. :)