Weirdness Follows Me...

It's true, I think weirdness follows me where ever I go. My cats are weird, my fish are weird. My friends and family, normal as they may seem on paper, are all kind of weird. Even I'M weird. Really! Of course, I like it that way. Average is hideously boring.

I got pretty used to weird when I lived at the Housing Authority. Everyone who lived there was kind of...off. I never knew quite what I would see when I walked out into the Common Area. Sometimes it was empty, sometimes there were children building "forts" out of bed sheets and chairs, sometimes there were people deep-frying random foods in the kitchen area. And sometimes there would be some real weirdness going on. Like my former neighbor Laura teaching her dog Mario to jump through a hula hoop. Or drunken Spades tournaments. Or drunken Monopoly. (It's more fun when you're drunk!) Lots of drunkenness, though it was rarely rowdy and never violent. Just silly. Which is cool.

Anyways, (I'm getting a little off topic here) when I moved into my new apartment, the complex seemed so blessedly normal that I really didn't expect weirdness to follow me here. Not any more than is usually does, anyways. Silly me.

I live on a little cul-de-sac, and I'm lucky enough that the rear of my apartment, with it's cute little patio and lovely sliding door, faces a wooded area and not the rear of someone else's apartment. I'm in a corner, so there's no one on the right side of me. However, on the left side is an elderly couple named Bill and Darlene. Before I start, let say that they're very sweet, generous people. But they're really weird.

Those of you who know me in person know that I'm rather busty. Okay, I have big boobs. (Boobs = hate, but that's another blog.) The first couple times I was at my new place, I was busy moving and carrying and bending and lifting. So I decided I didn't want to mess with a bra. Nope, I let those girls swing free in the breeze - metaphorically speaking. Well, that was when I met Darlene.

I was initially attracted by her really cute little dog, a white schnauzer named Dollie. What can I say? I'm a sucker for cute and furry. Darlene was really subtle and sly about the whole thing. She started the conversation like this: "What size bed do you have?"

Me: "Um, what?"
Darlene: "What size bed do you have? Full? Twin? Queen?"
Me: "Oh, Full. Why?"
Darlene: "Well, I have a set of full-sized sheets I'm looking to give away. They're in great condition. Also I have some second-hand clothes that look like they would fit you. I'll leave them on your doorstep if you're interested."
Me: "Oh, wow. Thank you. Sure, I'd be glad to go through whatever you're looking to give away."

So, I should have seen it coming judging by that unusual conversation. Not that I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth. It's no secret that I'm dirt poor here, people. It's hard for me to buy new clothes, so I'm always glad to go through people's cast offs for stuff that will fit. Darlene was true to her word. The next morning there were two garbage bags on my front porch. One contained a pretty bed set with a comforter, bed skirt, pillow shams and matching curtains. It wasn't something I would have necessarily chosen for myself, but it's really pretty and I like it all the same.

In the other bag were some nice shirts and comfy sweats, plus some granny shirts and a flannel nightie with a zip up the front that I'm going to take to Goodwill. Also there were about 20 bras, all in pristine condition. All way too small for me. Hinting much, Darlene?

Okay, that's weird. But the weirdness doesn't stop there. We have assigned parking places here, and mine is right next to Bill and Darlene's, which makes sense since we're next door neighbors. On the other side of their spot are a whole bunch of guest spots. On the other side of mine is a couple more assigned spots.

So, one day about a week after I officially moved in, Darlene rings my door bell. Now earlier that day I'd been out running errands, and I'd had a car full of stuff to carry in when I got home. So my parking wasn't 100% perfect. No, as Darlene pointed out, my driver's side tire was right on the line. She requested that I park at least a foot inside the line, to make it easier for them.

I mentally rolled my eyes and agreed. She and I chatted a few minutes more, and Darlene mentioned that they were going away for the weekend. (This was right before Easter.) So I figured I'd just keep her request in mind and make sure I park better next time.

Darlene leaves and I went back to what I was doing (farting around on the computer, to be honest). About half an hour later the doorbell rings again. This time it's Darlene's husband, Bill. He requested that I move my car so that he could back their car in and load it up for their trip. With a sigh I agreed and grabbed my keys and shoes. Once I stepped outside, I gaped in shock.

Every guest space from their space to the dumpster, about six in all, was empty. They had more than enough room to back up. But they had to back up in THEIR spot.

But, what could I do? I shook my head and laughed about it, moved my car and went back home. A week later, they came home and I ran into Darlene on the way to the mailbox. She thanked me for my apparently improved parking.

See what I mean? Weirdness follows me where ever I go!

Ah well, at least it gives me something to laugh about!

<3 Elisabeth